You’ve been through the struggle…the years of dating
complete losers. The meeting, the dates, the nervous back and forth messaging,
phone calls, chats, first dates, first kisses etc. Elevating your hopes and
dreams to dizzy heights, walking down the street with a big grin on your face,
almost skipping like Alice in Wonderland, telling all your friends each
tentative yet important detail of your encounters with the new man in your
world.
And just as soon as you can upgrade his number on the
Favourites list in your Iphone, he is gone. Texts gone astray, messages unanswered,
awkwardly cancelled dates, emotions stirred, hearts broken…Once again.
But finally one day, you meet someone, or bump into an old friend,
or are introduced to - or it just happens, you meet the guy of your dreams.
Everything is perfect; the time together, the talk, the atmosphere, the way he
makes you feel, the intimacy…Life is now lived on a truly natural high, and
plans of your life together multiple in a seemingly unstoppable and
exhilarating way… You’re not quite sure what is happening, but YES its
happening!
The days, months and years roll on by, merrily…but suddenly
you need space. He’s giving you space, but you need more. Suddenly, the toilet
seat being up is a big issue for you; one which you never noticed before. He
kisses you too much, he kisses you not enough. You shrug off the occasional
“You look beautiful!”, ‘cos ‘you’ve heard it all before’. All of a sudden,
bumping and grinding in a sweaty club seems interesting, while when you were
single, you were ‘tired of meeting men in clubs’.
Your man doesn’t interest you anymore, and you don’t know
why. All you know is, nothing on his part has changed. He is still that man you
fell in love with.
Somebody once told me, that when you make a choice, you
reject other choices. I am not one to describe ‘how a relationship’ should be,
but a woman should not get to a point where she rejects the very things that
attracted her to a man in the first place. Once he was attentive, now he is
annoying. Once he was a good listener, now he is nosey. Once he spent all his
time with you, you did things together; now he is suffocating you.
Yes, I do believe people change and evolve. And only a
relationship in which two people change and evolve in the same direction is
going to be a successful one. I don’t say “change and evolve” in the same way,
same pace or with the same experiences, but generally you are aiming towards
going the same way. For example, If he wants a family and kids, you should be
headed down that path also.
Which brings me to my point – it’s not about not accepting
how you feel now, or not acknowledging you may be changing your views on the
relationship. But if you still are heading in the same direction with your man,
but feel restless, doubtful and start to develop a ‘grass is greener on the
other side’ attitude, ask yourself this:
“Do you appreciate your man?”
“Do you appreciate the person he actually is?”
“Do you appreciate the absence of all the issues and
problems you had with previous men?”
“The aim of life is appreciation; there is no sense in not
appreciating things; and there is no sense in having more of them if you have
less appreciation of them.” Gilbert K Chesterton
Appreciation is a form of love. It means you acknowledge the
way someone is, and love them in that way. And you continue to invest your
love, because you appreciate the return.
I strongly think women need to be more appreciative towards
good men. I’m not talking about settling for cheap talk, carefully crafted
lies, or constant disappointments; but if you know fundamentally your man is
good, and has made a change for the good, just embrace and appreciate that. If
he is constantly elevating you to be a better person, why wouldn’t you
appreciate?
Men need appreciation as much, or even more than they need
sex! As I have been told many times before: “Behind every great man, there is a
great woman”.
Be a great woman, be a great appreciator!
Written by Copyright ©
SoulSurfer 16 January 2013 at 2.25pm
